i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
