I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I checked into jail on foursquare
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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