I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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