i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
