so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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