8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
