i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
