I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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