Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
