Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
NoShamevember. You game?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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