is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
