I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
