We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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