would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
