I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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