Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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