dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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