I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
