What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
