I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
