i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
