I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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