I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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