At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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