So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
