just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
