by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize