Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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