I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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