i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
