Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize