So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
