i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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