its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize