im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
