oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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