I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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