You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
