Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
