dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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