Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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