Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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