ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize