Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
