Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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