i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
