i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize