LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I use my feet as sexual weapons
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
