Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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