the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
