he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize