i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Terrible idea I love it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
