were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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