Don't make out with my wife yet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
