Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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