We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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