I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
