it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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