My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
