dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
