we're blogging at a bar
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize