the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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