Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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