My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
