Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
