His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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