My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
