im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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