i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
