We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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