is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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