She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
