im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
