so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize