found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
