You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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