Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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