they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
