dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
