Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
