i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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