no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
