You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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