I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
