I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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