look no pants
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
