wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
