He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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