he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
