i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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