i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
