I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
