i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
