i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
