before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
