Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
