Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
