I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
