I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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