lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
