meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize