look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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