I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
