it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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