I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize