The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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