I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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