Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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